


The Truth About Love

by ForTheArchives



Category: Original Work, Real Person - Fandom, Real Places - Fandom
Genre: Autobiographical Narrative, Autobiography, Based on a True Story, Betrayal, F/M, Falling In Love, First Love, Friendship/Love, Love Confessions, Nonfiction, True Love, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-29 01:46:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11430594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForTheArchives/pseuds/ForTheArchives
Summary: Guy meets girl.Guy falls for girl.Shit happens and things get creepy.This isn't actually a fanfic, rather, its more of an autobiographical narrative of a moment in my life... So bare with me as things may take a turn towards being creepy later in this story...I haven't quite figured out how I want to tell my story, so I'll just wing it as I go.Also, fair warning, I haven't written anything since senior year of high school and that was five years ago so I apologize in advance for probably changing from past tense to present tense often and being inconsistent with the inclusion of dialogues.Anyway, here goes.





	1. Meeting

This is embarrassing and trust me, I am not a fan of this game, but anyway, my story begins on a game called MapleStory.

I was playing the game only because of a "friend"... unimportant now and perhaps another story I'll never tell. Well, this friend got me to join her guild (she's the leader) and of course within that guild I met plenty of different people.

Of those many people, there is only one particular individual who I'd like to focus on, her name, as I called her by, is Rose.

Most of the people within the guild got along with each other, but Rose stuck out to me because she only talked to one other person in the guild, a guy named Anthony? I can't remember.

I wanted make her feel welcomed and to encourage her to talk to the other guild members, so I talked to her first. I don't remember much of what we talked about, but I do remember asking her why her character didn't have any shoes on. All I can remember is that her reasons for it were totally adorable.

Although my initial attempts at integrating Rose with the other guild members failed, she and I got close and it became just Rose, Anthony, and me. 

Forgive me if this introduction bores you, but to me, it is necessary as it really explores the depth of my relationship with Rose and perhaps makes what happens later a little less... creepy... if not then damn I'm sorry I wasted your time!  
I guess I could just fast forward to a time in which Rose and I get off of MapleStory and added each other on Skype, propelling our relationship further.

The two of us considered webcamming each other, but not immediately as we were both too shy. Instead, we started off with just voice chatting.

At some point, Anthony became jealous about how close I was getting to Rose. So what did he resort to? Pushing her away... childish if you ask me, but I still tried to help them resolve their issues.

Here's how that part of the story goes:

Concerned, Rose asks, "What should I do about Anthony? I still want to be friends with him... but he won't talk to me."

I think to myself, "With the way he's acting, Anthony really isn't worth trying for." But of course, I decide to be a supportive friend and help her out with her concern.

I pause for a brief moment before suggesting, "Talk to him and let him know that if the two of you are to remain friends then he should stop distancing himself from you."

Out of respect for his privacy, Rose does not share with me the details about their conversation, but she gladly tells me afterwards, "Anthony agreed he would try to talk to me more and stop distancing himself."

"Great," I think to myself, not sarcastically mind you, but relieved.

But of course within just a few days, Anthony goes back to the way things were and defaults to distancing himself, yet again.

At the back of my mind, I can't help but think, "This is my fault. To him, I'm the villain of his story."

I let out a sigh of remorse and say, "Rose, I don't think this is going to get any better, you should just stop trying if he isn't going to try."

To clarify I continue, "I mean if he put in some effort at some point then by all means, go try and be friends, but until that happens, I think you should let him go and give him the space he keeps making between you two."

But Rose wasn't going to accept that, she's much too good-hearted for that. So she continues to try and try again, but all in vain as the distance between them continues to grow on account of Anthony's own doing.

As all of this takes place, I am disheartened by the sight of Rose consistently being unable to save her friendship with Anthony, someone who, as she mentioned to me at some point, "Is the only reason I played MapleStory to begin with."

Time goes by and Anthony fades away, long forgotten by me anyway, until one day, out of the blue, he messages Rose to tell her about this new person he's seeing. Despite him returning on a good note, it's all completely irrelevant since this unsolicited message doesn't rekindle their lost friendship and he disappears from memory once again.

At this point, if my memory serves me correctly, Rose and I have already started webcamming for a while now and to me, it feels like the two of us webcammed each other EVERYDAY (quite literally).

I'd guess it was about a month or so within webcamming each other when I started developing feelings for Rose.

Her webcam quality was quite... crappy, but I could still admire how beautiful she looked through it all.  
Perhaps it was the webcam, but I believe that what I saw was an absolutely adorable girl with an amazing smile; a smile which I always tried my best to get her to reveal.

It didn't matter to me if I was being silly or weird. I would have done anything to see that cute smile of hers. It took a while, but I did finally get comfortable enough to sing along to my music while webcamming with her and that always brought a smile to her face.  
It was common for me to feel immense joy whenever I caused a blush to accompany those smiles.

And as I write this... I know... that it's been a very long time and that I should have moved on by now, but I can't help but feel the desire to relive those days where I could be someone who brought happiness to her face instead of now being a reminder of how I betrayed her and broke her heart.


	2. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guy falls for girl.

All I wanted to do and all I thought about everyday was going home and webcamming her. I enjoyed her company even if we didn't say much. I just knew that I really liked her a lot.

The feeling was mutual.

A problem that arose from our... friendship was that I really wanted to be with her in person and to hold her close and never let go... A yearning desire for an innocent touch.

"It's okay... I can wait. We'll meet in person when I get the funds to do so." I reassured myself in response to my desire to be with her.

That self-reassuring lie I told myself began to make me wonder... "When WILL I get the funds to do so...?" Thoughts continued to swirl around my head and this moment became pivotal to the way things ended.

I decided, "I can't keep her waiting on me... that isn't fair." And so I came up with what I thought was a logical and sound idea at the time, I told her, "Rose, if you meet someone in person... don't wait on me, go and be with them."

And of course being the good person she was, she replied with, "Okay, same goes for me."

Time goes on and we'd share stories about our days, experiences, and feelings.

She mentioned to me that she read fanfics... I wonder if she read them on this website...? Not that I submitted this in hopes of her seeing it here; writing this down is helping me move on and it provides me with further closure which I really needed.

Anyway, I digress...

We watched a Korean drama together and it was really good, but the best part about it was just being able to share an activity with her.

I joked about singing duets together with her because she never wanted to sing in front of me out of sheer embarrassment, but sometimes I'd catch her quietly singing to herself.

One of my favorite moments that I remember clearly is her whispering the lyrics, "My, my, my, my, oh give me love..." it was so cute the way she tried to do it discreetly. I just had to smile and admire it quietly to myself... but only for a moment before telling her, "I can finally hear you singing!"

By now, we had created a routine and I recognized the same familiar background in each of her webcam locations. (Unlike me, she had the ability to webcam outside of her own home.)

I actually got to meet some of her friends through webcam as well, they were all so nice and she'd tell me about some of her hangouts with them, they seemed like good people.

In school, during the gaps between her classes, although she was with her friends in person, her attention was always focused on her laptop, with me.

"Aww look at her smiling so much. She's talking to Daaaannnnnnyyy again!" They'd tease, causing her to blush as she tried to hide her smile.

I'd laugh and shake my head saying, "You're so cute Rosie!!" in attempt to widen her smile in front of her friends. She was easily flustered and it was one of the many things about her that I loved playing around with.

I remember the first time I said, "I love you, Rosie."

It was a phrase that I said often and although she never said them back, she'd blush hard and try to hold back her smile every time; reassuring me that she felt something similar.

On practically every night that we webcammed, we'd have a little game of who would go to sleep first. Of course it wasn't a fair game considering she was three hours ahead of my timezone. She would always stay up so late with me just to wait until it was my bed time.

I didn't have a smart phone at the time and I wasn't sure if we'd be charged for international texting yet either so the moment we hung up the video chat on Skype, we'd have to wait until the next call to talk to each other again.

I forgot to mention that, by now, we've also been chatting on Facebook for a while already. The many cute stickers that she used in our chats now and forever will remind me of her. They're something that I continue to use even now with her in mind.

It was these little things that really made me consider getting a smart phone, because with a smart phone I could finally do one of the biggest things that I couldn't do before: chat with her outside of home.

But the day I got a smart phone wouldn't come until too late... A few weeks after I met V.


	3. V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit happens.

At this point of the story it's been a little over a year since I've first met Rose, which means Christmas is around the corner. Ironic, considering the things to come.

One of my friends was throwing a small get-together Christmas party at his place and I thought it sounded like fun since I've never celebrated Christmas with friends before (I was always celebrating with my family and of course this year was no exception).

I excitedly shared the news with Rose, "Hey Rosie! Merry early Christmas! I'm going to be at a friend's house doing Secret Santa and stuff later!" You could clearly see the excitement in my face as I said this. Christmas was my second favorite holiday at the time.

We shortly discussed each other's upcoming plans for Christmas among other things and then I departed on my way to my friends house.

One of the reasons why I really liked Christmas was because it always just felt like the holiday created a sort of filter in life. Everything just seemed to be partaking in the festivities and I enjoyed seeing a holiday being so visibly celebrated and shared by many.

Entering my friend's house I felt a joyous vibe with good moods all around.

Everything was perfect about the get-together, we had plenty of fun activities to do like Secret Santa and little games here and there. The table was abundant with food and the smell of it filled the air bringing smiling faces to everyone within the vicinity.

That's when I met V. I call her V because I don't want to use her full name since the things I might mention about her aren't exactly... nice.

Now, at this moment, I didn't know V very well, I had only seen her around a few times in high school and once at a different party. And every time I met her, she would exclaim to me, "God, you have such a cute voice!" and I was always so flattered.

I got to know her better at the Christmas get-together and she was really nice, cute, and funny.

At some point, being the klutz that I was, I accidentally closed my car's trunk with my car keys in it so I had another friend of mine take me home to get my spare and V decided to come along to keep us company.

We got along well and towards the end of the party we were already having small banter. Many of the guests had already left, but the closer few friends of the host stayed behind to discuss further plans together for winter break. One of those who stayed behind was of course, V.

I remember before leaving, I had said something to her that made her throw a pillow cushion at my face so of course I threw it back at her and we had a little pillow war all while discussing future plans together with the host.

Once the plans for the next hangout were finalized, we all left and said our good byes and V told me to add her on Skype. Which, of course, I eventually did.

It was pretty late when I got home, but cute little Rosie had stayed up all night waiting for me to come back. She was sleepy so we only called briefly to say good night and I promised to tell her about my time at the party the next day.

The next day I kept my promise and told her everything that happened including how we had made more plans to hang out soon.

Hangouts after hangouts, we'd keep creating more and more plans to hangout together and with each one I got closer and closer to V.

Eventually, my friends including V and I decided on a movie night. We attempted to pull an all-nighter, but everyone ended up falling asleep... and I fell asleep next to V. This marked the start of something different between V and I.

And the hangouts didn't end there.

January comes and despite my protests, V throws a birthday party for me with my friends. She gets me a pair of Adidas and man were they nice, exactly my kind of style.

Because most of my time was spent hanging out with my friends and due to my lack of owning a smartphone, these constant hangouts caused me to become more distant with Rose.

Of course while hanging out, I was always thinking about Rose, thinking about sharing my days with her, but the hangouts were always going on so late that eventually, Rose would just go to sleep instead of waiting on me, which was totally understandable.

I'd wake up a lot later than usual considering I was out later in the night and because of this I'd also lose out on time talking to Rose in the mornings. It started to feel like we'd only talk for a couple of hours during the afternoon before I went off with my friends again.

I started to drift.

These are the moments that I always look back on with deep regret.

When I talked to Rose about my days, I was always sure to mention who was there so she knew about V.

One of the moments that saddened me was when Rose kindly, yet concernedly asked, "Will V be there?" in response to me telling her about another future plan I had made with my friends.

It was at this moment in which I had finally realized that I've been so blind to the fact that Rose was worried about losing me, but I didn't discuss it any further with her because I was afraid that it was already beginning...

At least close to around this point, I did finally get a smart phone so I did start talking to Rose a little bit more during the hangouts with my friends.

That sparked jealousy in V.

Sometime late January, V asks me out.

I reject her immediately out of my love for Rose.

When I get home that night I discuss what had just occurred between V and me with Rose and with a saddened tone, she tells me, "You should try with V because we promised to let each other go if we found someone else in real life and I don't want to hold you back."

It was stupid of me, but I made a decision about love based on logic. I weighed out the fact that it might be forever if not never before I would be able to meet Rose in person. I also thought that Rose was right in suggesting that I give V my honest efforts in trying to make a relationship work out.

But the biggest factor to sway my decision was my yearning and need for physical touch, something I never could have with Rose, but something that was there with V. I was impatient and I couldn't wait for Rose anymore.

My impatience and desire led me to the biggest mistake of my life:

I started dating V.


	4. Loss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More shit happens.

I told Rose about V and me.

I could see the sadness in her responses as they were short and plain.

"Oh, okay."

"I hope it works out."

I honestly REALLY tried to make it work out with V. I even told her about Rose, thinking that I shouldn't keep any secrets from her, which was a big mistake on my part considering V turned out to be completely uh... insecure, crazy, and a psychotic bitch. (Instant karma on me huh?)

The only reason I stayed with her for the first few months was because I feared for my life as she was both verbally and physically abusive (she hit me, clawed at me, dug her nails deep into my arms when she was mad, and on several occassions she'd pull a knife on me) and had me believing she'd do something terrible to me if I left her wrong.

I waited for the right time to break up with V.

That day didn't come for very a long time, so much so that I feel like I developed a sort of Stockholm syndrome towards her as I truly did eventually feel some kind of "loving care" for her.

But despite my intentions and what I did and how much I cared for her, she would never change, she was just too broken already.

Early in my relationship with V, she had me delete Rose and another random female friend of mine.

The conversation with Rose before doing so was a depressing one for me.

It had already been a while since Rose and I last talked, with the last message being "I hope it works out." The reason for this was because V didn't want me talking to ANY females at all, fearing that I'd cheat on her...

Rose gave me an ultimatum, "If you delete me now, I'll never talk to you again."

Shamefully, I thought to myself, "There's no way she'd throw away a whole year's worth of bonding just like that..."

Plainly, I responded with, "Okay."

Sure, looking back on it now its easy to see how stupid that was, but I was REALLY fearing for my life.

Obviously, I started missing Rose very early in my relationship with V because the two of them were like polar opposites, V was cold, broken, cruel, and insecure while Rose was nice, caring, loving, and trusting.

Two months or so go by since I started dating V and I (secretly or V would have killed me) randomly hit up Rose just to check on her and how she's been doing.

I message her on Facebook, "I've been missing you so much, the other day I almost cried at the thought of you, but I'm worried V might do something crazy if I break up with her, she was in a gang before. I shouldn't even be talking to you, but I miss you."

Her response was heartbreaking, "Almost? [almost cried] I've been crying so much and I've been so depressed and getting drunk."

I didn't know how to respond to this and though it truly broke my heart, what I said afterwards was so extremely ridiculous I don't understand how I was ever so stupid:

"Oh."

"I hope you feel better."

That's it. Just that.

What... the... fuck... right?

If I could go back in time I'd beat the shit out of myself then and there because that was literally the last thing I said to her and I didn't try to talk to her again for another whole year (I dedicated a whole damn year to V).

Things finally came crashing down for V and me. I had the opportunity to break up with V in a relatively safe way, but she begged me to come back and promised to change and so I did, because I believe in second chances, but try as she might, she could never make any permanent changes to her crazy bitchiness.

A little bit before the time I broke up with V, I was newly hired for a part time job at a Japanese supermarket. This job opportunity brought in the funds to do what I thought I never could do.

I was ecstatic.


	5. Desperation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get creepy.

This is the part of the story where things get creepy. Prepare for some cringe I guess.

When I broke up with V, I was relieved that I was still alive and well.

The first thing I did was message Rose on Facebook. I can't remember how things occurred, I'm so sure V made me delete her, and yet I don't remember re-adding her for my attempt at rekindling what we had.

I was surprised with the fact that Rose kept her promise; she wasn't talking to me anymore. I should've seen that coming.

I kept messaging her on Facebook regardless of that fact, because at least the messages would be read (Facebook was telling me that the messages I sent were 'viewed on ______.').

But eventually, at some point, my messages stopped being viewed so I resorted to trying to contact her through other means, such as Skype... desperate I know...

Every time I messaged her on Skype, her status went from "Away" to "Online," but this only occurred for a few days before permanently becoming "Away" and eventually "Offline".

Of course, out of sad pathetic desperation, I didn't stop there. I remembered that we gave each other our numbers.

So I text her.

Then I call her. No answer of course, but it was nice just to hear her voice again through her voicemail, "Hi this is R------ -----, I am not at my phone right now please leave your name and phone number and I'll call you back as soon as I can." (Or something like that I can't remember.)

I'd call her again and again just to hear her voicemail.

The sadness within me was weighing me down so much that I would cry while at work. I might have been caught crying by one of my coworkers once or twice, I didn't talk to them about it and they didn't go any further than asking me what was wrong.

The depression was killing me and I was clearly desperate.

There was always a radio on where I worked at and I'd turn it to my station when nobody else was working with me at night.

One night, as I was cleaning up, desperate and looking for a sign, I thought to myself, "If the next song to play on the radio is Mumford and Sons - Believe, I'll go and visit her."

And I guess life just wanted to fuck with me as it always does because the next song to play was indeed Believe.

As soon as I got home I looked up flights for LAX to YYZ.

I mean, I didn't know her address, but I knew which university she was attending and I figured I could probably find the same place she'd always webcam me at during school and perhaps I'd meet her there.

God... so creepy.

Anyway, I booked a flight to Toronto for the first week of summer vacation and all I could look forward to was the trip. I was still depressed, but it kept me distracted enough to continue work without anymore teary incidents.

A day before I departed for my trip, I messaged, called, and texted Rose one last time to let her know I was coming to visit her, and that all I wanted was to have some closure.

Closure which I know I didn't deserve considering I didn't really end things well with her and where was her closure when she needed it?

But of course it was a lie to myself and a lie to her, what I really wanted was to rekindle our friendship, one that might lead us back to where we were before it all went wrong.

I was so excited to share with her the news of me having a job and to catch up on a year's worth of things we missed out on with each other.

Coincidentally, my mom informed me that I had an aunt living nearby Toronto so I had a free place to stay.

I was disillusioned and saw this as another "sign" that it was meant to be and that everything is fated.

Well my trip to Toronto was bittersweet. The city was nice and welcoming, I loved every aspect of it (minus the crazies roaming around).  
I don't know if it was the knowledge that Rose walked these same streets or if it was just the city itself, but I fell in love with it.

I had my uncle-in-law drop me off downtown where Rose went to school and I had researched ahead of time that classes were still in session and that it was finals week for them.

I looked around searching for that same familiar background that I would always see in my webcam sessions with Rose and it didn't take me long to find it.

It was relatively dark and empty, but I sat there waiting, hoping that she'd still come to the place.

A group of people formed and I found out that it was regular for them to come there around the same time everyday to play Super Smash Brothers, Melee.

At that point, I figured, she would probably never show up there again as the room got pretty full.

That didn't stop me from visiting the same place everyday and patiently waiting for hours on end.

And as expected, she never showed.

I wandered aimlessly throughout the city, just looking around at what I was missing and I decided I needed to take advantage of where I was and actually enjoy my first time travelling alone.

For the next few days I went on a touristy trip thing to explore the city. All while still making time within my day to visit the place I thought Rose might come to.

At some point there was a time in which it rained HEAVILY and I... being a hopeless romantic thought that it was the perfect time to go to the place where I might see her.

As I ran through the rain, I imagined that as I was seeking shelter, I'd run into her and we'd both go inside together and catch up on lost time. All romanticized and shit as if we were in some kind of Korean Drama.

The disillusionment is real.  
Of course that silly scene never happened.

I leave depressed and go back to checking out the rest of the city.

My favorite place of all time in Toronto is the CN Tower. I just love skylines and I like how the building stands out in Toronto's skyline. My visit to the CN tower is where I got the idea of talking to one of Rose's friends...

I realized that one of her friends worked at the CN Tower and decided to take a picture of myself there and change my profile picture to that.

When I messaged her, she thought that I was someone she might know since she recognized the place and that was how I started talking to her. I informed her of my situation with Rose and she told me, "Wow, I think you came on a little too hard."

Yes I did.

Anyway, talking to her made me happy because she told me she would tell Rose that I was in Toronto. I guess I was happy to just settle with knowing that Rose knew I was there. It really made the rest of my week.

I was able to enjoy more of the city without depression knowing that Rose would at least know that I visited.

I had dinner with my aunt and her family and from it I received two fortune cookies. These fortunes... fucking life... one of them read, "Somebody thinks you're romantic." while the other said, "You will have great success in everything you attempt." 

"HAH!" I laughed to myself in doubt.

Eventually towards the end of the week I realized that whenever Rose had to study for tests, she'd go to the school library, so I stopped going to the Super Smash Brothers, Melee tournament area and went to the front of the library entrance instead.

I waited there until nightfall, but she never came, I didn't mind waiting there though as I really enjoyed the city. The sky was beautiful and the entire scene was very new to me since I'm used to living in the suburbs of SoCal.

I visited the library entrance and stayed outside waiting on two separate days. In the end, I did check out the inside of the library, it was huge and amazing. Each floor was a different type of scenery and I thought that was really cool.

The end of my trip came all too soon. I wasn't ready to leave the beautiful city just yet; I still didn't find a good place for poutine! I merely ate shitty fast food versions of it.

But I could not delay my trip back home since I already told my boss I'd be back in a week.

I watched as the city faded away into the distance.

I was depressed again.


	6. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What did I expect to happen?

For a very long time I was depressed and everywhere I went something would remind me of Rose, I mean it was quite unavoidable, the name Rose could appear anywhere and everywhere!

I remember at some point for some reason, I looked at that year's hurricane names list and coincidentally, one of the many names included that year was Danny and Rose... I mean how coincidental is that? Fucking life just fucking with me again.

Everyday I worked on bettering myself, physically and emotionally. I changed so much since I last talked to her that looking back now, the way I talked to her back then pisses me off. I could have treated her so much better.

In ways, I don't regret my choices, they've led me to become a better person and to become who I am now, the old me never would have treated Rose the way she deserved to be treated.

But of course this change came at a great cost to me which I continue to pay for dearly.

And because of my experience of travelling alone to Toronto, I discovered that I really enjoy the outdoors and hiking.

I even made an Instagram in dedication to the places I visit. Initially, I posted pictures just because Instagram had a map feature that I really liked.

I wanted to see all of the different places I visited on one map, but unfortunately they've since removed that feature.

It's sad, but there was a night in which I got so drunk that I sent drunk recordings of myself to Rose's direct messages on Instagram. The next day I apologized for sending them and wrote one final long message to her about good byes, closure, and hoping the best for her.

A few months go by and I am surprised with an actual response.

My heart skipped a beat and I held my breath.

It was Rose telling me how sorry she is for ignoring me for so long and that yes, she's moved on and so should I. It was closure.

I honestly didn't feel better with closure. I thought I would. I mean I guess I somewhat did, a little... but I'm still not over her.

Eventually, I messaged her again telling her that I'll always be there for her if she needed someone to talk to and that I'd be willing to be friends with her again if she wanted.

And for a while we did talk. I mean, for two days or so... but since then it's been radio silence on her end.

I've been trying really hard to move on, but I think that no matter what happens, I'll always have a place for her in my heart.

She was the perfect girl in my eyes and yet I broke her heart and her trust. I wish so badly that we could be together again someday...

But life isn't a movie or a TV show; she's not coming back and I'm not some protagonist of a story where I get the girl despite how much I may love her. When you're looking everywhere for all of the right signs, you WILL find them, but not because of some mystical lining of the stars shit, but because you see what you WANT to see. There ARE such things as coincidences. And all of this was just a delusion. Just the end of another chapter in my life. It's time to move on and all that shit, right...?

 

 

That's MY Truth About Love.


End file.
